I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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