He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
