you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
