im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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