the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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