I wannas sexs uuuuu
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
