At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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