So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
