I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
