Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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