We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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