just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
