a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
