I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
