I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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