hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.