The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College