Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.