I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
two words...techno handjob
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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