And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
