I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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