I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
