proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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