Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
