she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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