I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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