It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
