I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
