oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
