shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
