how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
