I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
