is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
