Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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