I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
