based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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