i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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