I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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