is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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