Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
