the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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