Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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