Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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