A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
