I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someone shattered a urinal.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Come share oat with me in your robe
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
