fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it hurts more in the daytime
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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