so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
