her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize