She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
