It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
