I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
