No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
