Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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