i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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