i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
