I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
