The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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