Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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