After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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