everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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